When you say no to a child or tell them they can’t do something what usually happens? In my experience, the most likely result is that the child will try harder to do whatever it is they are being restricted from, or they will continued to ask to do other things until they receive a yes. The truth of the situation is that everyone wants a yes answer all the time. We feel good when we hear yes rather than no and we are more inclined to respond in a pleasant and confident manner when given positive reinforcement rather than negative.
Rather than saying, “No, you aren’t allowed to do this or that,” respond by giving an alternate option to what the kid is doing. For example, if you tell a child, “Don’t play in the street,” most likely the child only hears, “Play in the street.” They want to know what’s so important in the street. What’s there to see, and why are they restricted from going?
Inevitably the parent’s afternoon will be centered around telling their child no over and over again. It’s challenging for a parent to feel the need to police their child’s behavior, and the child does not feel so great being told no. Rather than giving the negative in the beginning let’s look at this from a different angle: What is the most desirable end result? Most likely the parent wants the child to play in the yard, and this is a totally reasonable request. The reality is the yard is safer, and the kid will have more fun playing in the grass with the dog rather than running around on asphalt in danger of being struck by a car.
So how can mom alleviate a stressful afternoon of watching the kids and keeping them safe? Start the day positive! Tell the child what they can do, and eliminate the negative. For example, tell the kid, “You can play in the yard” this will shift the attention from the street to the yard. Keep the subject focused on what is possible and positive. Redirecting the child’s focus to the yard will greatly reduce the chances of the street being an attractive option.
So how does this relate to business and sales, you ask?
At work, with friends, or while completing an independent task we are often faced with challenging questions that can spur a, “no” or a, “I don’t know,” response. Is this really true? Are there situations where we need assistance or more training to give a definitive answer? Yes, of course!
It’s extremely challenging to become an expert about any subject, and we are all learning to serve and communicate better with one another. Even though you may think the answer to a customer’s question is no, I encourage and challenge you to focus on the positive and what you know instead.
This topic came to my attention by one of our Sales Shopper callers. He relayed a story to me from a birthday inquiry he made with one of our Sales Shopper clients. The location the mystery caller called has three standard party packages, one of which includes ten adults in the cost of the package. Our Sales Shopper representative asked if there was a package that came with fewer adults because he only anticipated on having five attend the gathering.
Based on the standard packages offered by this location, the easy answer was, “No we do not have a package with fewer adults.” Although, if we stop to think about what is known at this particular location, there was an alternative way to answer the question. This facility allows for a party to add on adults to any package. To avoid the no answer to the caller’s inquiry, and to better serve the guest, the customer service representative could have offered an alternate suggestion by describing a smaller base package without adults and explaining they could customize it to include the number of adults attending.
This is a prime example of how focusing on what you KNOW rather than saying NO can help to serve the guest. When we say no to a potential guest we are a putting up barriers to new business, and in all likelihood we do know the answer to the question, and we can create a situation to serve their needs.
So how can we move from giving a quick no response to digging in and thinking about what is KNOWN?
There is a need to change our habits of response. We all fall into the trap of using negatives. We are trained and conditioned to some degree to categorize our lives into yes and no lists. We block others and ourselves by saying no. On a personal level, if we are restricting ourselves from what we want to do by thinking, “No, this can not be done,” then we are left with a feeling of loss or disappointment. If we say no to a guest as described in the example above we are setting up a situation for the potential customer to call another location where the may receive a yes response.
So what is the solution? I say work to keep your speech positive all the time. If you initial response is to say no, take a deep breath and a few seconds to come up with an alternative. This only takes a moment. In the beginning it may seem challenging and the benefits of speaking positively may take time to show themselves. It is a continuous process of self-editing.
Take the challenge this week, and see how often the no factor appears in your mind. Be it with a personal situation like, “Should I eat this or that?” Instead of saying no to chocolate cake perhaps you can say yes to a delicious smoothie. Instead of saying no to a caller on the phone, stop and think of a way you can provide a positive answer to their question. It takes a bit of creativity to get going with something like this, and I promise the rewards are worth the effort. Think of a life were the only answers you give and receive produce a yes answer! How great would that be?!
I say it’s within reach. It starts with the individual and it will spread to those whom you interact with. The result is that your child, customer or yourself will be left feeling with a greater sense of satisfaction, and a desire to move towards the yes or what is known.
~ Amanda Standlee
Director of Sales Shopper
